A Musical Autobiography
Click on through to hear my life in song ^
In one of my classes at Berklee* this past week we had to make a “musical autobiography”. (*and yes, I do feel obnoxious & proud all at the same time any time I mention Berklee. I mean, do I actually go there? Did you know I go there? Did I really get in??!) The instructions for this assignment were to start with your earliest childhood memory of a song that was significant to you, then continue thinking through the various seasons of your life & identify the music that stands out in your memory from those times. My earliest memory of a song that I carry a significant connection to is “What A Wonderful World”, but that Hawaiian guy’s version. We did a little hula dance to it in my Kindergarten graduation. Most of the songs I remembered from my elementary school years were songs that I either sang or danced to at some sort of talent show or recital. Which still tracks for me. On the whole, this autobiography of mine encompasses a hella wide range of genres, and I find it hilariously obvious to observe what year my parents got divorced (High fives to anyone who guesses it correctly in the comments)!
Anywho, I enjoyed putting this little autobiographical playlist together immensely. It was amazing to me how clearly & instantly these songs sprung forward in my mind as I reflected on my life in this musical, chronological way. (This was partially so amazing to me because I’ve had 4 concussions & my memory is often total crap!) I’ve never really understood what people mean when they say, “smell is the strongest sense memory association” or whatever people say. I guess my sense of smell is total crap too, which is probably a blessing from the Lord because I have brothers. A lot. (of brothers). And they fart. (A lot.) Oh, but this MUSIC! I had no problem reviving these songs from the recesses of my mind. I think it’s because one’s taste in music is completely wrapped up in one’s identity & perception of the world around them. At least it is for me. I don’t know anyone who’s like “the scent of wet dog fur reminds me of my youth and is also the essence of my being.” … ok, after reading that back I concede that it could fully be someone’s identity, or at least #brand (ºoº)v
But music. Music has always meant everything to me. If I thought someone was cool, and they liked a certain band, I thought that band was cool too. Conversely, if someone I thought was cool only liked basic, crappy music, I lost a bit of respect for them… I prided myself on liking music that was off the beaten path and music that would surprise people. “Really? This awkward little blonde girl listens to The Doors?!” If I thought liking a certain band would bring me closer to my dad, I learned every lyric of that band’s greatest hits. My dad and I have a tenuous relationship… If he realized I liked cool music like him then we’d have something in common. It felt like our last thread of hope for bonding when I was in Jr High. This was the initial reason I dove into classic rock (and then I stayed in that pool forever cause damn! the water’s nice!). However, I also made certain associations about his musical tastes. He liked cool music: bands that represented freedom, living life to the fullest, having wild adventures + reckless love affairs, not conforming to societal norms + pressures. So imagine my surprise in my twenties when I found out that my dad was indeed not progressive politically… And maybe that was a leap… tying “people who like Queen” to one political party or the other…
Oh man, these associations I drew based on musical tastes were such a driving force in how I perceived myself and the world. And let me tell you, I was SO conflicted for SO long! I wanted to be “cool”, but I also needed to be “good”. I wanted to be a rockstar, but I also needed to get straights A’s. I apparently just decided certain qualities couldn’t coexist. Does anyone else do this with music?? If someone likes such and such genre, they must be “fun”, and “fun” means they must dance on tables at every party, right? If someone doesn’t understand my reference to Joni Mitchell’s Blue album, they must be living under a stupid Top 40 rock and I probably wouldn’t connect with them on a deep level, right? I think it’s really easy as a teenager to make such hard & fast judgment calls. Now here I am looking at all the songs that have meant the most to me during the decades I’ve survived so far & it’s chaotic: don’t know that I’ve ever seen Shania Twain & Sum 41 on the same playlist before EVER! Yet, it makes perfect sense to me.
So, look. I still don’t have it all figured out, but I have learned that this type of categorizing and black & white thinking is super dangerous. I was dehumanizing people based on their taste in music and I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE IT!! Don’t get me wrong, finding people who like the same music as you is magic. I’m not discounting that AT ALL. The point I’m trying to make is… How often do we do this categorizing & assuming & drawing conclusions & dehumanizing in other, more consequential ways?? Looking at the world we’re living in in this glorious dumpster fire of 2020, I think it’s pretty obvious that grown ass adults are just as guilty of making these hard & fast judgment calls as awkward, teenage Rachel was.
People are vast, complex, multi-faceted, BEAUTIFUL, magical beings who should never be reduced to one thing. People change and grow and develop. People don’t belong under labels. And people don’t fit neatly into one genre. I am indie and musical theatre and screamo and punk and country and Disney and folk. I am all of these things all at once and all the time. The volume just gets turned up louder for certain songs on certain days. ;)
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Check out my playlist for my musical autobiography via the button below, and then maybe make your own?? It’s pretty illuminating as to what comes to mind first. Send me the link to yours if you do - I’d love to hear it!
