Lessons & Confessions from 2020

Happy New Year?

As I’m typing this Trump supporters have broken into the U.S. Capitol, and it feels impossible not to address it. I was reflecting on 2020 earlier this week and evaluating how I wanted to kick off the new year, game plan all my ideas for new music & new content, and just launch right into it with allll the vim & vigor. Then today happened. All the fresh air that came with this new year got vacuumed right out real quick. If it wasn’t already abundantly clear, America is in political & social crisis. And it’s… overwhelming.

So, here’s my meager list of LESSONS AND CONFESSIONS from 2020. It hardly scratches the surface and after today’s madness I’m having a hard time cutting myself off instead of adding at least 50 more impassioned thoughts. But! I don’t want to be yet another millennial yelling into the internet void. Instead, I offer from my soapbox 12 simple lessons & confessions, interlaced with humor & sincerity, that hopefully make you feel something (literally anything - although ideally positive) after what a mind-numbing, surreal, traumatic day it’s been.

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LESSON: Everything can change overnight. You might not get the hugs goodbye, the final performance, the closing night party. Pop champagne any time for any reason you like, and don’t take things for granted. 

CONFESSION: Blenders intimidate me. I don’t know how to make smoothies. 

LESSON: As tough as some of the challenges I’ve been through in my life have been, I have white privilege. That doesn’t invalidate my experiences, but it’s certainly true that my race hasn’t been a factor in those trying seasons & instances. When the BIPOC community is telling me their experiences, I need to shut up & listen and be thankful for the correction.

CONFESSION: I was fully one of those white people claiming that the reason I didn’t get the part I wanted was because being a blonde, white girl wasn’t “in” anymore. That’s so not true. I didn’t get the part because I wasn’t good enough/wasn’t right for the part. I’m so sorry I was an ignorant, selfish asshole.  

LESSON: I still have so much to learn. 

CONFESSION: I didn’t finish a single book in 2020. 

LESSON: The division in America is wider & scarier than I thought (and I already thought it was really, really bad). 

CONFESSION: The division within my own family really got exposed in 2020. Nothing is accomplished with assumptions & accusations. SO much healing can be had with conversations & empathy. 

LESSON: People suck.

CONFESSION: I love people. 

LESSON: Invest in your friendships. My friends showed up for me this past year in ways that warmed my heart, brought tears to my eyes, made my jaw drop to the floor. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it through 2020 without them. 

CONFESSION: I’ve never used a record player. I don’t know how, and I’m afraid I would break it.  

LESSON: Adapting to life’s curveballs is essential. It can also be difficult. Have grace for other people’s process. And remember within yourself to CHOOSE your attitude. Even the tiniest baby step forward means you’re still going. 

CONFESSION: My life looks nothing like I thought it would. I low key have no idea what I’m doing, but definitely still have hope for the dreams I’ve been working for to come true. 

LESSON: Pivoting is not failing. Keep on keeping on. 

CONFESSION: I don’t like Ariana Grande. 

LESSON:  If you’re not actively trying to dismantle white supremacy, it’s because you’re ok with it. Actual human lives are at stake here. And that’s not being dramatic. That’s the reality. We cannot be complacent. 

CONFESSION: Calling friends & family out on racism is nerve racking and uncomfortable. I have been trying to learn ways to communicate more effectively, but I have definitely stumbled & fallen here, sometimes chickening out entirely, other times feeling completely inarticulate. 

LESSON: Pandemics suck. 

CONFESSION: If you haven’t been wearing a mask, I’ve been judging you. 

LESSON: Therapy is for everyone. Mental health is SO SO SO important!! I’m so thankful the stigma surrounding therapy is slowly, but surely going away. In case you’re still on the fence, I want to reiterate how valuable it is & encourage you to at least give it a try. I go through seasons of therapy - 6 months on, 3 months off, 4 months on, 7 months off & so on. I experienced life changing healing in therapy this Fall. I can’t advocate for it enough! 

CONFESSION: I still struggle with NEEDING to be my authentic self, but not wanting to upset anybody... specifically people who get bent out of shape over swearing? I think you need to calm down, and I think I’m gonna give less fucks in that regard. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

LESSON: Smiling can literally make you feel better from the inside out. #fakeittilyoumakeit

CONFESSION: Fishdom.  

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Stay kind. Stay curious.

2021, here we go! 😬